In this special bonus episode, host Tian, sits down with Melisenta (BA Marketing & Management) and Namfon (MSc Management, Entrepreneurship) to talk all things friendship at Durham.
From the nerves of making new friends at university to the joy of finding “your people,” this conversation explores what friendship really looks like during the student experience.
We chat about first memories, navigating social pressures, life in catered colleges, fun with societies, and what makes a great housemate. Melisenta and Namfon also reflect on homesickness, building support networks, and what it means to feel at home and truly be yourself at Durham.
Topics Covered
Making new friends at university
Pressure to drink & social expectations
Favourite friendship memories (formals, bar crawls, societies)
Finding friends through your course, college & beyond
Ideal housemates & choosing who to live with
Overcoming homesickness
The importance of being yourself
Hi, my name is Tian and I'm with a
Durham student and today we are joined
by an episode about how we can find
friendship at Durham University. So
firstly, can you guys introduce to me
your Durham stats? That is your name,
college, year and your degree and also
where have you come from today?
Hi, my name is Melisa. I'm a first year
marketing and management student at
Travalian College. I'm here from
Brighton.
Hi, my name is Sarita. I'm a postgrad
student here studying management in
entrepreneurship. I'm from Castle
College and I'm from Bangkok, Thailand.
Great. Thank you so much. So, on the
topic of friendship, did you guys have
anything you worried about like about
did you worry about making new friends
before coming to university?
You go first.
Personally, I was very worried about the
university uh friendship experience
because I'm a first year and I was a
fresher and I was really worried about
whether I'm going to make any friends,
any valuable friendships, whether I'm
going to miss my old friends. But
overall,
uh it's it's been a great experience and
I managed to find a lot of friends. I
was worried that um would I be lonely
here in Durham because I heard it's a
quite a small city, right? Yeah. But
then I did a research and there are many
societies offered by Durham universities
and I believed that I could make many
friends here just by joining the
societies. Yeah, even the group chat the
Dharm office kind of like freshest group
chats on Instagram, WhatsApp. I'd say
they really helped me to get to know
people who are going to be in my college
because there was my first concern
people in my college. That's where false
friendships tend to start and then it
evolves into societies once you go out
of your college. But I'd say that's
where I actually started talking to all
of my friends who I'm still friends with
now and hopefully in the future will be
too.
That's so good. And then what would you
guys say makes like a good friendship?
I think it's the relationships that
based on mutual respect, patience, and
understanding. You have to be good
listener to one another.
Yeah,
definitely. Yeah, I agree. I feel like
friendships with no judgments because
you need to fully support your friend.
You don't need to judge them. You
support whatever they're doing. Trust,
loyalty, and kind of like being able to
depend on that friend if you're like if
you need help from them and stuff. So,
you know, you need to go to them if
something is wrong and they will be
there for you.
Mhm. And then now a little memory trip
laid. What who was your first friend
that you guys made um at university? How
did you guys become friends?
Um in my case actually before coming to
um Durham or the UK in general for Thai
societies we have a pre-eparture
meetings with um all their Thai friends
who plan to come here as a postgrad
student. So we made friends before
coming here together. Yeah. For the
international friends I also met them in
the class. Yeah. When Yeah.
Okay. Yeah, I gain a lot of friends
during precious week. Me and my best
friends here. Shout out to my friend. Uh
we're we're such close friends. She is
the past person who I go to share all
the ideas, all the gossip, everything.
We're so so close. We're planning a trip
together. But the way I met Sir was
literally on the first day of me being
at Durham. It was during that
international freshes in the castle bar
and I just heard her talking to a frap
and I was behind her with nobody else
and I was like oh my god I should start
making friends and she seemed so sweet.
She was talking about Ariana Grande and
I was like, "Hi, girl. Oh my god, uh,
nice to meet you. What's your name?" And
so we've been friends since then, like
sisters.
Oh, it's such a sweet story. And then,
yeah, just going back onto like fresh a
week. You just mentioned like a term fer
just like older students who come back
who help you move in. Um, how did you
find like fresh aer like your first time
like being in Durham and there's quite a
lot of pressure with making new friends.
Like how did you guys cope with that?
like what sort of things did you um do
to put yourself out there but also be
yourself as well?
Mhm. For me it was a bit overwhelming
because there are many activities going
on and um
I bought all I also bought the MCR
membership so I had to pay like £50 for
the whole year and then you get to join
these activities together and there were
like um two or three activities going on
in one day and it warm me up. Yeah,
fresh week's intense definitely
help us a lot.
But then I got to meet like so many new
faces and they were so kind and lovely.
They're from like many countries in the
world.
Yeah. And people were open-minded.
That's so cool.
So they're really nice.
Personally, yeah, I found it a bit
nerve-wracking and overwhelming the
whole freshest week thing. And Travalian
College, which I'm from, we had a lot of
events going on in the past like two
weeks. Every day more than three events.
It was kind of like paint and sit where
you paint like art and talk to other
people kind of like uh going out field
trips. So there was a lot of
opportunities for me to talk to
different people and meet new friends,
international friends as well cuz the
way it was separated the freshest week
first uh international students come and
then home students come. So I had a
chance to meet international students
like me and then also the home students
and it was a very great experience. I
learned a lot about Dharm and people and
it kind of set me up for the year.
And then something I would be encouraged
by because I'm also a first year as well
as Melisinta is like um definitely don't
give yourself too much pressure to like
find your like forever friend, lifelong
friend. Like it happens naturally.
Everyone ends up finding a friend and
it's okay if it doesn't happen in fresh
a week. Um because yeah, there's a lot
of overwhelming and it's okay to take a
break away from everything.
I agree. There's like such a saying like
do not think that people who you meet
during freshest week will last you and
if they don't, don't be upset about it
because it's just like everyone's just
trying to make a lot of friends in the
same boat. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah.
What makes an ideal housemate? because I
know also for second year you have to
move out um and live with other people
to cook um and to live with. So yeah,
what sort of ideal roommate? I mean
roommate or housemate would you say?
I'd say a housemate who can communicate
because when you're living together and
you need to set different tasks that you
need to do, he needs to like they need
to respect that and be able to do it
rather than just like kind of pull it
off. Okay, you do it. So you need to
make sure that the person who you want
to live with is person who you know and
trust because you're going to be living
in the same environment with that
person. So don't try and sign the house
with the past person you've met. Kind of
get to know them boundaries and people
who are open to like negotiation because
sometimes you need to negotiate
something like clean or whatever.
Yeah.
Yeah. I also agree with Mel and I also
believe that they should be um
open-minded and have lots of empathy and
they should um be open to communications
and yeah and also hygiene is I think
it's like a key I agree actors
choose your yeah your yeah your
housemates
yeah that's so good and definitely with
your first tip I wish I was told don't
rush into signing a house as well how
have you found it like as a um postgrad
like experience because I know you're
only here for a year. Um, so yeah.
Yeah, I was so worried about
accommodation in Durham because I saw on
the news, right, that there were some
years like maybe postco that there are
not enough houses for students and they
had to line up in front of the street
for like a couple of hours like to book
the housing prices.
Yeah. So my college I think every
college in Durham they offer um postgrad
um a space especially international
students who are postgrads they're going
to you're going to be secure with a room
that and I chose um studio room so I got
to live in Cavia court with castle
college but they are self catheter
that's great um and then um some people
may be wondering I found my friends but
what should I do in Durham is Durham too
small like um so what sort of things do
you do you like during your free time
outside studying together?
In my opinion, Darham is not small.
There's so many things I didn't know
that exists in Darham. For example, I go
with my friends bowling the lane seven.
There's arcade. I always go there with
my boyfriend every day. We have this
card, membership card, but we pay
everything like for the air hockey and
everything. Every day for loyal
customers. Audio audio and cinema as
well with great films. You can I there's
so many opportunities. You can like uh
what's the word? Row on a boat. You can
just hang out in generally. The town is
very great. Get some snacks, ice cream,
bubble tea, and just chat. Spend some
quality time together. Have night nights
in which are more valuable for me. Watch
films together
and save lots of money as well.
Exactly. And save lots of money. Yeah.
Work smart, not hard. But yeah.
How much did you pay for the membership
for those? It's basically, no, not for
the lane side, for the arcade.
Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of like basically
the points that you buy for the uh
things that you can use. So, there's
like
100, but it's 500 points or like £10 for
like 10 points and you can play lots of
games in one day. Yeah, it's very nice.
I love that.
It's so fun.
And also, I find that Durham's like very
walkable as well.
Like, do you guys have any favorite like
walking routes like around Durham? I'd
say the longest walk that I had to walk
to class in term one and term two would
be 40 minutes walk.
Wow.
To the old business school.
Yeah. From my accommodations.
But it didn't feel like a long time
because you get to enjoy the scenery
along the way and the weather is not I
would say not too hot, not too cold, but
some days it rains.
Definitely. Yes. Be prepared for rain.
But yeah, especially like walking down
the rivers. That's probably my favorite
walking route.
Yeah. It's really really pretty cuz I
live in Travalian which is a hill
college. So for me to get into the new
business water side business school I
usually tend to go down there. It's like
pretty cathedral over the river. Then I
get Starbucks and go to my class.
And my other favorite walk is near
maiden castle and calves. There's such
like a pathway with lights and in the
evening it's very viby and I just tend
to go there and like for the forest as
well. There was this one time when I did
20,000 steps going from here to Charles
Gate, big test coast, just walkable. I
just love the nature here. It's really
cool.
Yeah. I didn't know like Durham is
actually like a forest city in the UK.
It is one of the most beautiful cities.
Yeah. Some people call it um Durham
bubble, right?
A Durham bubble. So like just like um
the minute that you just step down from
the train from Newcastle, you feel like
you're in different city. You're in like
this like they have their own charm.
Yeah. No, I think of it especially with
like Harry Potter landmarks and stuff
and coers.
Yeah, definitely the cathedral. I think
it's one like quite underrated even
though like I live so near it. I barely
go to it but I'm like it's so beautiful
and so peaceful and Yeah.
And the cathedral cafe.
Oh yes, cafes guys. Let's talk about
cafes.
I heard the scone. That's good. Right.
Well, the scone so good. We should go.
Wow. Yeah. What's your favorite like
cafe? I know cafe coffee is quite a big
thing for Durham students. So yeah. Why
do you guys like to go for your favorite
coffee?
For me, I would say Riverview Kitchen
just because of the beer. It's my river.
But the food is great, too. Yeah. Uh I
was going to say Rivery Kitchen as well.
I just like how it's like on the river.
I always get salmon avocado toast there.
The best local customer. I also I mean
Lasagas Pags is the classic one. So
good. The price is good. Apparel amazing
there.
I also really like uh Dinway. Not a lot
of people know about it, but if you
haven't heard of sushi, it's Japanese
authentic cafe. Really good. Amazing
sushi. Amazing uzuti moi. I I absolutely
love it.
So, as you guys can tell from the
answers that we're just giving to you
guys, there's a lot to do in Durham. So,
yeah, never run out of ideas. And then,
yeah, I guess on a more negative note,
have you ever felt homesick whilst being
at Durham? And like, how do you overcome
that homesickness?
Personally, I have felt homesick because
it's quite like a long time period. I
haven't seen my parents over three
months. And I'd say the only reason you
can cope with it is just keep yourself
entertained. And I just got involved
myself in a lot of societies, part-time
job, spending time with friends, doing
series watching on Netflix, kind of like
just try to obviously call your parents.
That's how you can like socialize with
them, talk to them, but just keep
yourself engaged. make plans every day
what you want to do and then time would
fly and then you would see your parents
again and you also had a great time and
was up your CV.
You're so true about time flying like
I'm like how we finished the first year.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So soon um
for me I got homesick once during winter
just because of the weather you know
when the sun and then set at 4 or 5.
Yeah. And it's during the long holidays
as well during the Christmas break and
Duran was so quiet dur during that time
because every like most like almost
everyone just like went back
to stay.
Yeah. I stayed here. I didn't get to go
back to my home country because like 20
hours away.
Yeah.
Yeah. So I just messaged my friend who's
um lived in Sheffield. It's like what
should I do? I feel homesick.
It's like she just like told me to open
Netflix and watch some comfort movies.
Yeah. So you feel better because
normally I would go for a run, right? If
I feel down
or like go for a walk and enjoy the
scenery as I mentioned earlier, but in
winter
too cold.
Yeah. And it it feels even more lonely
when you got out because yeah, not many
people walking on the streets.
A
what about you? I think I because I'm
quite fortunate that I'm in like leads
so it's like only one hour train away
but I've definitely felt like you know
sometimes you can feel like you're doing
so much and then but still feel quite
lonely but yeah I definitely think just
have a confidence that everyone feels it
once in a while like um like you said
you're not the only one and I think when
you know that that helps you overcome
the feeling but yeah but also watching
movies love that have a good girls night
in get yourself a popcorn on and get
your laptop out. But yeah, and Melissa,
you talked about activities and
societies. To me, I think I found most
of my closest friends in societies
because you get a chance to meet people
outside your college as well. So, yeah.
What sort of societies have you guys
like part of um where you found friends
and people with similar interests? And
you also mentioned about your part-time
job as well.
Yes. Uh so personally with me I feel
like most of the friends I found were
actually outside of my college as well
and I feel like societies it's such a
good thing that because some of the
societies they have a lot of number of
students who want to be in them like
events weekly and so each week different
people come in and go so it's not the
same amount like same set of people. So
that's how you tend to meet different
people who have the same interest as
you. For example, paint sip like art,
painting and then you can chat to other
people who are also like doing that and
that's how you kind of bond. Similarly
with my part-time job this darham
student.
Shout out Darham student.
Shout out DM student. Yes, I have
applied at the start of the year and I
feel like that's one of the best
opportunities I've gotten at uni because
it's not just about working and doing
what I love which is sharing content but
also we have monthly team meetings with
students from different years postgrads
undergrads in completely different
That's how we all met each other.
That's how we met each other. Exactly.
And we're great friends. We went for
bubble tea last week and it's just
really great because we can talk in the
meetings and share our ideas but also
bond and then outside of the job also do
valuable things and hang out.
Yeah.
Mhm.
I feel like Bill said pretty much all
the things.
They do pretty different activities as
well.
Yeah. I also joined the meditation
society, um aerial art society and
equestrian society.
Wow. Those are really unique.
Yeah. because um before coming here I
tried um I discovered my new hobby which
is aerial arts you get to do the like
the aerial hoop and aerial silk and I I
found out that Durham society Durham
University also offered this society as
well so I feel like there's um there are
many societies here and there's
something for everyone you know
that is so true like honestly guys um
like like Melinda said like you can come
in like feel free to try new things at
university you don't have to have prior
experience experience most of the time,
but even if you do, you can join on
advance and you know play at a
professional level as well for
university. But but also if you're
someone like me and you want something a
bit lowkey, you can also do that. And
yeah, that's so cool that what you guys
do and definitely put yourself out
there. That's how you get the most out
university, not just like staying by
yourself. Of course, you're not going to
be making friends if you're just sat in
your room be like, I have no friends.
You have to put yourself out to like put
yourself out there, have some
confidence, go out even though it's
hard, you don't feel like socializing
because that will benefit you and then
once you're homesick, those friends will
be helping you out with you.
Yeah. And that support network.
That's so cool. Okay. And then we're
down to our final question, guys, which
is what do you feel like it means to be
yourself at university?
I think being myself is it like in the
terms of friendship or just in
university? Like
just in university? Actually, both. That
would be great. Okay. Um, feeling myself
in a friendship, I'd say, is when I feel
like I can freely express how I feel. I
can be as silly as I can, make jokes,
feel comfortable, not feel like I'm
being judged. And as I said, friendship
is not when you're being judged. And
kind of just having fun and not feeling
nervous when you're speaking to somebody
and so locked in. I feel like that's how
I feel like I'm myself because I can
distinguish that between my close
friends and how I engage and speak with
them or people who I recently met and
how I'm locked out. Yeah,
that's so good.
Uh for me, I would say um being yourself
is to express your emotions and your
thoughts with um with people that you
trust and also um with
Okay, let's cut that. You can just like
express like yourself and then express
your thoughts and emotions like to other
people and don't be afraid of being
judged
by others. Big word.
Yeah. And also like in the meantime you
also have to be respectful to towards
other people as well. Don't just like
say like meanful like mean like mean
words. Yeah. Yeah.
To one another. What I find at
university is actually um I met so many
different people to myself like from
different walks of life or different
parts of the world even like because
Durham really attracts like all sorts of
people and just being really open I
think is the biggest advice I give to
people when um they're thinking of
coming to this university. But yeah,
that's so good.
Also, don't be afraid to set your
boundaries as well. Your likes and your
dislikes.
Yeah, the communication is key. Yeah.
But yeah, we really hope you found this
podcast encouraging to like make friends
when you come to university and know
that yeah, Durham has there's a place
for everyone here.
There is.
There's even a ramen society. Guys,
watching society
and banana society and even if there
isn't a society that is for you, you can
set one up, take initiative, be a
leader, and make change. But yeah, we
really hope to see you in Durham and
we'll see you guys next time. Bye.